Thursday, May 25, 2006

Awkward rays

Last Friday night, in between Pizzicato 5 albums etc., I moseyed on down to the Pizza Orgasmica for some eats and had one of the first vicariously-awkward moments i've had in a while. I was waiting in line behind a tired looking, semi-dorky thirtysomething lawyerman when we he caught sight of a lady law school classmate (I guessed) and her beau. Since I was standing behind Snore McBore Esq., and the place is pretty small (and well lit), I was able to intercept pretty well the Awkwardrays zooming back and forth between Snore and Lady:

LADY: just finished placing order / turns around and walks to the side and makes way for husband, who starts ordering / makes a quick turn of the head / bounce-back-beautiful hair goes into action / Snore now visible / faint inkling of familiarity evident on face / but eye contact not yet made.

AWKWARDRAY: <zoooom bingg peow> lands on balding head of Snore.

SNORE: "i'm just standing here, hungry for some pizza, got my flip flops on, my old comfy law school sweatshirt and adidas windpants, can't wait for some pizza, gosh these glasses are dirty let me wipe them off with my t-shirt, i sure would love sausage..." / glasses back on / isn't that Lady, hey you know what it is /

AWKWARDRAY: <peeeeeeowwww blingbling sizizizizzzzzz zz zzz> bounces back on to Lady, just below the eye

LADY: oh isn't that a guy i went to law school with / i thought i heard he's working for the state dept in africa...or was that... / oh no he's looking at me / damn

AWKWARDRAY: <sheeeeooooooowwwwww ding ding> reflected back, some photons hitting me

...well this went on for a while. In their 2 minute conversation (little did they know) I was a part of, I developed the following backstory for them:
  • Snore probably considered Lady to be a "friend" in law school, but she just thought of him as the 'nice guy' in the library who would always try to turn a homework-help question into a 10 minute conversation
  • Lady's beau was probably her husband / serious boyfriend, who she met 6 months into her first job out of law school
  • They were about 5 years out of school
  • They went to a top tier law school back east
  • Snore remembered lots of things about Lady and the good ole' days
  • Lady forgot Snore's name (had she been tested on it at the time, we would have learned that she actually forgot his name 9 months after graduation).
  • Snore knew that Lady forgot his name, and was in fact gracious enough to save Lady from embarassment and intercepted the introduction she would have had to make when her husband came 'round.
Thinking up this backstory and witnessing the conversation made me feel very awkward, especially when husband / boyfriend Niceguy McPhee and his what looked to be fratbrother buddy Redhair Superdrunk came up. There is nothing more awkward than making smalltalk with the buzzed boyfriend of a former what-turned-out-to-be-a-not-friend and his drunk buddy at 10:30 pm on a Friday, in a cramped Pizza-by-the-Slice deal in the middle of the chatchball district of SF. NOTHING. Thankfully the conversation ended, although it was broken off not by Lady, not by Niceguy, of course not by Snore, but buy Redhair (?!?). The two parties separated, with Lady et. al. nearing the door with their slices and Snore getting back to menu reading. After a few minutes I finally got my pizza slice, and went home, having collected some awkwardrays and feeling exhasuted as a result.

No comments: